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Who knew I’d be trapped in this country again? Lesson learned. Nothing last forever. Nothing last longer than what it has to, and also… What’s happening it’s what’s supposed to be happening. Really? That’s bullshit.

Did I bring this to myself? Did I know that leaving America, thinking it was going to be forever, was going to be a mistake? Did I know that right after we moved to Cali I found myself living in another borrowed world, working a “made up” job, with an incredibly disrespectful boss, (oh that’s life, my family owns the company)surrounded by injustice and unhappy people was going to make me hate my hometown again? No. Did I know that the fact that I had a kid that was born American will make me start this incredibly insane journey all over? No, I had no idea. But that’s how I felt. I felt that I didn’t belong. I felt out of place. I felt trapped in a world filled with hypocrites, and cowards. So I had to leave. Did I mention also that my husband, who as born in the water and live for it, who I convinced to move to a city where the air conditioner is a luxury and the mosquitoes are the size of a small dinosaur felt horrible and sad and miserable every day of his life in there? Of course with the exceptions of the food and the farm… To name a few.

So with some savings, we packed all of our things and moved back to Miami. Yes, my husband came first to face a still broken economy (yes, that’s why we left on the first place) to give the sales a try, to go around many useless opportunities to realize he will do anything to work day shifts, to end it up going back to the kitchen to do what he does best.

And we followed him. Because that’s what families are supposed to do. To start a long process with me, to explain immigration that we left by choice, that we had the right to live over there or here… Wait a minute. You have a deportation order.

Wait, what?

I don’t even have a parking ticket. When I ran over a red light, the ticket came to my husband’s name! But that’s another story…

A deportation order was issued to my name in 2010. But funny story. I left Miami in 2008. I was supposed to renew my conditional residency and I didn’t. Because I thought. silly me I was leaving forever.

Big Mistake.

And here I am, trapped at home, living in a country where I chose to live. For my family, for my son’s future. Waiting for the lawyer I had to hire to help me clear this so-hard-to-understand situation. Who knew that the mother of an American Citizen, and and American Husband will be under the “Administratively closed” case, waiting to hear from that judge that said, kick her out, when I was already gone? Let’s try to explain that back at home. It is a hard one.

I didn’t meant to break any laws. I just didn’t know…  I kept thinking it was forever. But I was wrong.

Will this get fixed? Probably. Will I get all my documents in order? Sure.

I want to believe…I belong here. This is where home is. This is where I have to be.

But in the meantime. Learn the words. You are an immigrant. In process.

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